My Sister and my Mother Have Asperger's

This post was rejected for publication by Yahoo! Voices and I can't seem to get Bukisa to log me into their site, so I'll post this here because I do want people to read it.

I don't currently have any children. However, I grew up with my sister. When we were young, I didn't find anything all that different with her. However, by the time I got to middle school, I felt there was something different. She would yell at me for trying to help her with her homework after she had asked me for help. She would write my homework that I had started when it clearly needed to be in my own handwriting. Of course, this didn't make sense. She was old enough to know better. However, our parents didn't scold her for doing such a thing, which didn't make any sense.

As she got into high school, I could definitely tell that something was different. She stopped wanting to go to school. She would fake being sick. I knew she wasn't sick, but our parents would let her stay home. If it was a day that I did not have to go to school or if I was already back from college classes, she would be acting fine at home.

One year, our parents even made me come with them to her high school to talk about her missing classes so she could still graduate in 2002. I really wished they didn't do that and made her take the extra year of school and have her graduate in 2003 because she was learning nothing about consequences.

As much as I tried to tell them that I truly thought something was different with her and that she needed some type of testing, they ignored me. My friends and I went though different ideas. One of the ideas was that she was a chronic liar. Another was that she actually believed what she read in books. These were based on what was happening and instances from their own relatives and friends.

It wasn't until she tried to move to Minnesota to go to college and came back that she finally got tested and we found out what made her different. It started with a letter written to my parents and me by our paternal grandmother. A friend that she had made in Minnesota told our grandmother that all the things she did and how she acted, as well as some of her physical appearances pointed to Asperger's. She knew this because she had Asperger's.

I found an online test for people to take in order for them to see if they might have Asperger's. I don't know if the exact test still exists, but it was like the Asperger's Quotient Test at Wired. Everybody in our immediate family took it thinking of the answers that would fit my sister. This included herself, which she even needed some guidance to think about her own answers. Everybody, including herself, got the result that she had Asperger's.

We went to a local counseling agency called Family and Youth. They had an Asperger's program in place. They even had an official test, the Gilliam Asperger's Disorder Scale (GADS). After the results came back positive that she definitely had Asperger's, we went to work to get her officially diagnosed before she turned 23. I had learned that it was important to be diagnosed at age 22 or earlier to qualify for disability. She had other disabilities due to her scoliosis surgery, but some of them were also just from her body and the way Asperger's affected her.

I went to counseling sessions with her to learn how to deal with her. She constantly has to be reminded how to behave in public. However, at least, the more that she is reminded, the more she usually learns. There are behaviors that I have to tell her that she shouldn't be doing. I often have to tell her to take her hands out from between her legs. I have to tell her to not put her hands in her pants or her skirt.

It makes it difficult because she does not see a mess in front of her face. I do not know how she can't see it, but she can't. I can't work and clean up after her all the time. I don't understand how she can't understand that it is important that she cleans up after herself. She also does not have good personal hygiene. She says that it is because of sensitivities that she has due to the Asperger's. Sometimes this may be true, but other times it seems she is being too picky. It seems that she is often like a little child that doesn't want to come and take a bath and or wash hair.

I deal with what she needs every day.

When our mom realized that she wasn't cleaning and got closer to my sister with word games, addiction to computer games, and not doing what was needed, she also took the GADS. Her results were positive. She got diagnosed as having Asperger's. Then a neurologist also said she has a mental degeneration like Asperger's, but he is difficult to understand. I do not know why she has not tried to find somebody that is easier to understand. He also does not understand the concerns that we bring to him.

So, in addition to taking care of my sister, I also have to take care of my mother. It is difficult to work and take care of two people who can't seem to take care of themselves. Sometimes the only comfort I get is from my dog. Other times, I can get it from being with people at church or with my friends elsewhere, but it is a difficult thing to get away from my sister at times to be able to relax. She is often like a puppy dog, following me wherever I go.

However, it is important to get people diagnosed with Asperger's or autism if you think they have it. After age 22, it will not be counted towards having any type of disability unless they change the laws.