Orphaned . . .

In a way, I am now an orphan. My mom passed away on Saturday, September 15, 2012. It wasn't as sudden as my Daddy's death, but I expected my Mama to be around at least a few days longer. I know that none of it is what I hoped, but in a way, I had been expecting her to not be well, too. I had seen her sick and suffering for many months. Sometimes I feel bad because I have no written here for a few days. However, I then look and see that I am dealing with a lot of stuff. Before my mom passed, it was taking care of her, taking care of Briana, doing the jobs I had, looking for a better job, taking care of the dogs, taking care of the car, and many more things. Now, I still have to take care of things including Briana. I am trying to let her be as independent as she can be. I want her to learn tasks and chores so that if she wants, she can learn to live on her own. She talks to me about dreams she has and I want her to be able to pursue them. However, she can't pursue them if she doesn't have the skills she needs to live. Obviously, I am also dealing with Mama's memorial service and getting that all planned now. My mom never wanted a viewing of her body or a funeral. She wanted to be cremated, have a memorial service, and not have people wear black. It still hurts that she's gone. It doesn't seem real sometimes. I drive home and think that maybe I'd find her in the bedroom. Perhaps I'd visit her in the nursing home. There are plenty of times that I just don't know what to feel.